Hey Siri, dim the light to 37%. – With pleasure, Klaas. Change the lighting mood to red. – Of course. Hey Siri, rap for me! – All right. Load, unlock and activate, Siri listens to you, nobody tells you, No coca, but block batteries, with two thousand five hundred milliamperes, You say you clear up [ __ ], I got video of you o-na-kidding crying Use yourself as a docking station (full charge) display protective film best condom (safe) Siri unlocks you with Code 69 One Night Standby, 10-finger technology You chase Opfa in the Benz SLK, hack the on-board computer, crash your car (like Tesla) Hang up on the loading bar, hide the corpse on storage, manage Forget Abou-Chaker, here comes the Siri-Clan, data packets on each arm.

Me and my Assi Gang We are breaking up your life First tape off your webcam before you talk to me. You do one on Scarface, but you secretly binge on Gilmore Girls We know everything about you smart home – stupid person Alexa, please play my afterwork playlist. – Smart Home son of a son of 101 ASSIstentenbande Alexa, please turn the music down 80%! – OK. Party light activated. Alexa, 90% less light. Alexa, the [ __ ] is back plugged directly into power via USB You get [ __ ]. Break your neck Send your mother your dick pic for a picnic. I connect my fist to your face via bluetooth. (Blood) face update Until face recognition failed hard. Black and loud, like Rihanna, receive the data via WiFi antenna. Shave like men, transfer like gender get rid of cables like Caitlyn Jenner Make yourself a new column like Excel Doc We're 20 million right [ __ ] Black Block Ok Google, start Fly mode! Google Homie Knows Babe (Search) And I hear and I hear and I hear Anything you say babe pick it up and blackmail yourself with the [ __ ] It's Thursday, I'll make an appointment, 11 o'clock sharp, pour you gasoline.

I break your knees, it says in the terms and conditions You are internet, I am inter-wicked. What you tell me you won't tell anyone else Take your cache from me – buy me Suprime from it You have police, I have them too, But by the balls, with YouPorn search history Me and my Assi Gang We are breaking up your life First tape off your webcam before you talk to me.

You do one on Scarface, but you secretly binge on Gilmore Girls We know everything about you smart home – stupid person Ok, we can break off for a moment. Who are you? I am Cortana, Microsoft's assistance system. (Laughter) I know Alexa, Siri, Google Home and all that, but I've never heard of Cortana. How did you get here? – TomTom took me away. – Turn right, then, turn left. Drive straight ahead. After 300 meters, go to the roundabout and take the 2nd exit. Yes, as far as I'm concerned, you can piss off again now. We're shooting a video right now.

Siri hits you with hooks like Twitter Weather Forecast: Bell Thunderstorms Alexa orders your child a Glock. Your own blood rushes to your head Google Home, trades data instead of crack Removes you like a USB stick from your Mac Siri breaks skull with selfie stick Knocks you out with a roundhouse click Put Boss's boxers on your shopping list. After that, you're off jobs like Apple Google Home is looking for the route to the Shazamt hospital, your screams, make a playlist out of them Siri separates vocal cords, voice quality choppy If you want to save numbers, there is full contact Alexa boxes you like Amazon Smart Home son of a [ __ ].